btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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