dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
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100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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