i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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