Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
