I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
