I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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