Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
