i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
