well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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