Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
