Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
