Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
