Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
