YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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