I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
