i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need to sanitize my soul.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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