You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
