I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
