You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize