he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
