take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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