and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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