So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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