your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
