I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
