the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
