I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
