Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
