Are we in a gay sports bar?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
