I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
