apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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