and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
