i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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