My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
