On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
