you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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