When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
