Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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