she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
