Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
