She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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