I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
