okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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