listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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