kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
