It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
