Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
