I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
