My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
