Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
