We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
