Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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