Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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