***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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