I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
