I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
