No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
