I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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