He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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