I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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