I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
