Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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