Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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