Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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