I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
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Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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