Ambien. No doubt about it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
