The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
