my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
