the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
