how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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