nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
