dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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