Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
