I have demons in me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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