Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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