I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
