I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
