He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Still dying that you shit outside
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Text me some of your sweat
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
