I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
