shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
