Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
