Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
