WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dick very happy bro
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
