if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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